Instigated

So there I laid, while it was deathly instigating to dwell down deep within and rid myself of my devestating discontentment.. The party last night consisted of beer after beer and toxic inhaled whiskey. It just happened to be Sunday , a day of prolonged agony as the beer store didnt open till 1pm, so i had to wait untill then to grasp a can of cold beer to rid myself of trembling nerves. But now i had the personal activity of procuring small change via humiliating and outright desperate begging. But at this point it seemed the easiest route. If i could conjure up 2 dollars i could get a quart of Mickeys and a bag of Buglar smoking tobacco as a pack of cigarettes was too expensive. I pursued the public filled parking lot of Walmart with hopes of an easy mark. I sucked up my inhibited frame of mind and approached a couple getting in their car and as i thought a dollar to be too much to ask, i asked simply for 50 cents. To much my surprise and overwhelming release they handed it to me. I asserted mentioned to them that god would bless them and they went on their way. All i needed for me now was $1.50 to obtain my sedative and settle my nicotine cravings. But time after time as i sucked up my pride, the people said to me they didn’t have anything for me. But i tried and tried asking for quarters. I was hopeful although never too positive that i would collect this feat. Then i saw the jackpot, as i noticed 2 elderly women driving near. They stepped out of the car and i went to it. As i was trying to act upbeat and positive i approached them. I conjured up a wimpy smile and stated “Im homeless and i’m hungry and i’m in between jobs”. As i ficticiously looked them directly in the eyes so not to show my treacherously beaten shame.. One good quart would help disguise them self inflicted defects and with a couple of quarts of Mickeys i’d return to settled nerves. Panhandling was a hard lesson and too devestating of a lifestyle to subdue.. This way of life went on and on as I was an alcoholic pure and simple. But with the humility i’ve learned from it is what allows me to openly share such an occurrence. This is of course only a fabricated story but the reality is alcohol yields the potential to make many good men cringe and beg for its release.